The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
