I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
