If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
