You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
