having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
