My first STD was from a foam party
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
