Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
