After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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