Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize