I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
