I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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