my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
