i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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