sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
