Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
