i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
