I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
