I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
