So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this boner is exhausting
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
