I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize