I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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