I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
