You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
