Got a toothbrush?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
