It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize