I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
