i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
