i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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