Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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