I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
