I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
