They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
