I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
lol hangovers are for mortals.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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