and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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