So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
