okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
