I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
