I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
