I met the friendliest cop last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
