Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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