Your face is a jimmy john
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
vagina is talking i cant
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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