She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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