Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
