I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
