He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
