I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
