I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
