my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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