I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
