I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize