I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
