2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
