thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize