I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
