I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize