Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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