We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
