You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't put those talents on a resume
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
