I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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