It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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