I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
