things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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