Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
