can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
