He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
