Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
