When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
