Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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