You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
