Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
