i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
