So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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