i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize