Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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