Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
