i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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