Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
