I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
