We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
