I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I touched a dick in church today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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