There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
