he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i think my cat just said my name.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
