I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
