im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
