How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
