dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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