Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
