Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
