i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize