So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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