Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
