just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
