go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
