you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
