My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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