yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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