good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
