I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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