I cannot find my penis.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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